I attended a psychotherapy conference in Washington, D.C. a few weeks ago. The central theme? Counseling people and couples who struggle with differing political beliefs—something that now affects 40% of marriages and contributes to 10% of divorces. I’ve had to marinate on this topic because frankly, it wasn’t on my radar until the COVID-19 pandemic brought politics into the exam room. Maybe I was naïve. Or maybe just too distracted to see it before.
Then, I read an article that stopped me in my tracks: more patients are now choosing their physicians based on political alignment. Not credentials. Not compassion. But political beliefs.
Is this really where we’re at?
I felt a wave of emotion rise. And that’s always my cue. When I get triggered, I ask myself: Is this coming from the adult version of me—or is this old programming at play?
We all like to believe we can stay neutral, especially as professionals. But the truth is, we’ve all been programmed from birth to become who we are today. And no, I don’t mean that in some fringe conspiracy theory kind of way.
Think of it like this: when we were born, we were like a brand-new Apple computer. Shiny. Untouched. Incredible potential. But without any software, that potential can’t be accessed. It’s the programming that makes the system run. The same goes for us.
As adults, our brains operate in different wave patterns depending on our state—whether we’re awake, asleep, alert, or relaxed. For example, when we’re focused and problem-solving, we’re in beta brain waves (13–30 Hz). When we’re relaxed or meditative, we shift into alpha waves (8–12 Hz).
But here’s the kicker: from birth to age 2, our brains are mostly in delta waves (0.5–4 Hz)—a deeply unconscious state. We’re soaking in everything around us with zero filters. From ages 2 to 6, we move into theta waves (4–7 Hz), where imagination reigns, logic doesn’t exist, and the world feels like a dream. It’s pure download mode.
In other words, everything we see, hear, feel, and experience in those early years becomes the foundation of our subconscious belief system.
That system gets triggered any time we encounter something that doesn’t match. That trigger? It’s called emotion.
Emotions are the bridge between our conscious thoughts and subconscious programming. That’s why they don’t always make logical sense—they’re rooted in memories and beliefs formed long before we had conscious reasoning skills. And once those beliefs are installed, we rarely think to question them… unless we choose to.
This is why I always urge parents: the first 7 years of your child’s life are critical. The way you respond to them, the environment they’re in, and the emotions you model—those are all becoming part of their operating system. And, there is a difference between being an ok, good, great, or spectacular parent just like anything else as I explained in a prior newsletter. Most adults are still working through emotional trauma that started in those foundational years. And in the case of political conflict within marriages or society, those unexamined beliefs are often what we’re clashing over.
So back to the question: Do you choose your doctor based on their political beliefs?
More importantly: Are your emotional reactions based on your adult values—or your early programming?
The beauty is that we can evolve.
But that begins with asking ourselves: Are these truly my beliefs? Or is it just my programming playing itself out?
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Be BioFIT- Be Educated, Not Influenced.
Grateful to be your physician guide.
Kevin Hoffarth MD, IFCMP
BioFIT Medicine